MORNING CHAT/ Never go to bed in a fight

I never wrote about my relationship here on the blog and today I though, why not? It is the most important part of my life and something I worked, work and will work on every single day of my life, no excuses. Btw have you ever been in long distance relationship?


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I met my Petter on the plane to Asia in 2012., while sitting next to each other. We talked for few hours and that was the last time I saw him for next two years. I was quite young and absolutely not ready for long distance – I was far away from brave and had no belief in true love thing or “meant to be” people.

Long story short, our relationship (official one) counts a bit more than two years now. Out of those two, it was and is a long distance both of them, sometimes further, sometimes closer. The closest was 1 hour by bus, the furthest was Croatia-Sweden. Rough? Oh yes.


Long distance is horrible, I won’t lie. Sleepless nights, tears, goodbyes, not being able to share moments and important happenings in life… That’s only a tiny bit of a hard part and it cannot be skipped. But when you scratch underneath that hard, you will find easy because you know it’s all worth it. I never questioned if that was a right choice, it was never a choice for me. Nothing planned, nothing discussed – we just did it – fell in love. I agree that not everyone’s story is the same but I can talk for this one. People often say that they have to break up because of the distance, they can’t do it, it’s too hard. Is it really easier to never see each other again than having a number of kilometers between each other? That’s a question to ask.

There is one little important thing in long distance relationship. It’s the power. The power of trust and the power of loyalty. Long distance relationships are built on communication, without much physical interaction which makes it really challenging for a serious adult relationship. In this one it’s hard to be wrong – emotions and feelings are all that you have and it has to be enough. A simple good night sounds so different in long distance, good morning call makes your day, all the Skype dates when we are eating dinner “together” or movie nights when we click play at the same time, thumb kisses in Couples app… and moment when you are actually together that are never forgotten and when you just need a bit more time.


There are two things I learnt in a long distance relationship.

  1. Learn to recognize when long distance frustrations are the cause of fights
  2. Never go to sleep in a fight or disagreement, even if it takes a whole night to solve it

This is my key and I will never quit on claiming that it made a big difference. And this shouldn’t only apply on long distance, it should apply on any relationship in this world. When you are able to recognize that some pointless factor is making an emotional distance, you won. When you are able to solve problems before going to bed and leaving them where they belong – to yesterday – you can move forward. 


I am sitting here in Munich and he is sitting there in Jonkoping in Sweden, not knowing when exactly will we see each other. And what makes us survive? The fact that we know that this is it. The fact that I know that he is the one and there is no a single kilometer that will change that. And you know what? This is not some pathetic love story, this is real life that I never believed in before and if you are like I was, maybe it’s time to change your mind :).


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croatian

Pettera sam upoznala na avionu kad sam putovala u Aziju 2012., sjedili smo jedan kraj drugog. Tih par sati smo pričali i svemu i svačemu i to je bio prvi i zadnji put da sam ga vidjela u iduće dvije godine. Bila sam tek krenula na faks i apsolutno nespremna za ikakvu vezu na daljinu – bila sam daleko od hrabrice i mislila sam da je “sudbina” glupost.

Ukratko, naša službena veza broji malo više od dvije godine. Od te dvije, veza na daljinu je obje, nekad dalja, nekad bliža. Najbliže smo bili sat vremena, najdalje Hrvatska – Švedska. Teško? O da.


Veza na daljinu je jako teška, neću lagati. Neprospavane noći, rastanci, nemogućnost da budete jedan uz drugog u nekim bitnim trenucima u životu…To je samo jedan mali dio “teškog” i on je neizbježan. Ali kad malo zagrebete ispod tog teškog, nađete lako – jer je vrijedno toga. Nikad se nisam pitala je li to pametna odluka, nikad nije bila odluka za mene. Ništa planirano, ništa raspravljano – zaljubili smo se i to je bilo to bez puno pitanja. Slažem se da nisu sve priče i iskustva isti, ja mogu pričati samo ovu priču. Ljudi često kažu da moraju odustati zbog daljine, ne mogu, preteško je. Je li zbilja lakše ne vidjeti se nikad više ili imati broj kilometara među sobom? To je pravo pitanje, a i odgovor.

Ima jedna mala bitna stvar u vezi na daljinu, zove se moć. Moć vjerovanja i moć povjerenja. Ovakve veze su građene na komunikaciji, bez puno fizičkih kontakata što nije lako za ozbiljnu vezu. U ovome je teško biti u krivu – emocije i osjećaji su sve što imaš i to mora biti dovoljno. Laku noć zvuči toliko drugačije i posebnije, jutarnji pozivi ti čine dan izdržljivim, svi ti Skype razgovori tijekom kojih jedete večeru “zajedno” ili filmske večeri kad simultano gledate neku komediju, thumb kisses u Couples aplikaciji… i trenuci kad ste zapravo zajedno koji se nikad ne zaboravljaju i kad ti nikakvo vrijeme nije dovoljno.


Dvije stvari sam naučila u vezi na daljinu.

  1. Nauči prepoznati kada su frustracije zbog udaljenost razlog svađama
  2. Nikad ne legni u krevet posvađan ili u nerješenoj situaciji, makar potrajalo cijelu noć

To su moj dva ključa i mislim da nikad neću odustati od njih. Ovo bi trebao biti dio svake veze, ne samo one na daljinu. Kad stekneš vještinu prepoznavanja besmislenih uzroka svađa i emocionalnog udaljavanja, pobjeđujes. Kad si sposoban riješiti problem prije nego zaspiš u negativi i kad sve ostaviš tamo gdje je tome i mjesto – u prošlosti – možeš naprijed.


Tipkam ovo u Mihenu dok Petter vjerojatno gleda TV u Jonkopingu, ne znajući kad ćemo se zapravo vidjeti sljedeći put, možda mjesec, možda više. A zbog čega preživljavamo? Zbog toga jer znamo da je to to. Jer znam da je to moja osoba i da mi nikakav kilometar ne radi razliku. I znate što? To nije još jedna srcedrapajuća priča, to je stvarnost u koju nisam vjerovala, a ako ste vi ja iz prošlosti, možda je vrijeme da promijenite mišljenje :).



 

for all advices, questions and cup of nice supportive words, e-mail me to info@squaremileofstyle.com

Have a lovely day!

xoxo

A.

square mile of style blog

 

6 thoughts on “MORNING CHAT/ Never go to bed in a fight

  1. divan post :) mogu ti samo reći da ti se divim na snagi. Lijepo je pročitati da postoje mladi ljudi koji vjeruju u pravu ljubav, koji su ozbiljni i koji će preći preko prepreka samo da budu skupa i da zadrže jedno drugo u životu :)

    Želim Vam da budete sretni i da što prije budete na istoj lokaciji :)

    Like

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